Whimsical Charade
by DisneyDreamer07
Summary: It was Reborn's brilliant idea to send you and Shouichi off to the prestigious Ouran Academy in order to gain some sort of leverage for your little Mafia family. What could possibly go wrong?
1. Prologue

_**It was Reborn's brilliant idea to send you and Shouichi off to the prestigious Ouran Academy in order to gain some sort of leverage for your little Mafia family. Little did you know that the moment you stepped into Ouran, your life would quickly become entangled with Haruhi Fujioka and the Host Club. Now, you're simply trying to keep a passing grade while having to juggle with the Host Club's affairs and your own Mafia ones.**_

Of course, Reborn doesn't intend to make your life any easier for you…

"…This certainly wasn't what I was expecting," you explained to your red-headed friend in a strained tone, gazing up at the gargantuan school with wide eyes. The building itself looked as though it were some sort of fancy mansion, the sun glimmering magnificently behind the structure and giving it an ethereal glow which only appeared to make the school all the more alluring. Taking a moment to tear your gaze away from the architecture, you peered down at the note held firmly in your hand. The elegant font spelled out your reason for being here, and yet, you still couldn't help but wonder _why?_

Releasing a small puff of air, you allowed your tense shoulders to sag a bit from their previous posture. Adjusting the shoulder strap on your satchel, you gave your BFF a curious glance, a smile lighting your features upon noticing his rather pale face. Chuckling softly under your breath, you gave the red-head a reassuring pat on the back, snapping the young male out of his stupor. "Don't be intimidated by its, er, alarming size," you voiced aloud, silently berating yourself for sounding so… ugh, you didn't even have a good explanation for _that._ With a small shake a of your head, you gave your dear friend one last reassuring pat before trekking forward past the elegant gates of the school. "Well, no use ogling the building any longer. We should probably get ourselves registered now that we're here, I suppose. Come on, Shou-chan~!"

Shouichi sputtered a few nonsensical words before rushing after your retreating form.

* * *

><p>"Ah, Sawada-san, Shouichi-san, welcome!" the headmaster greeted you both as you entered his extravagant office. The two of you had to keep your mouths clamped shut so that neither one of your jaws would hit the floor (for Pete's sake, was EVERYTHING completely elaborate around here?). With a small wave of his hand, the headmaster gestured for you and Shouichi to take a seat on the leather chairs located in front of his desk.<p>

Slowly seating yourself, your sepia eyes couldn't help but gaze curiously about the room. If one thing stood out above the rest, it would _definitely_ be the amount of roses that this man possessed. The floral arrangements were truly breathtaking, turning the what-would-be stereotype (yet, completely aristocrat) office into a welcoming room with the roses' glorious shades of scarlet red brightening the atmosphere.

"Professor Boreen has already informed me of your scholastics, so rest assured, you both have been placed in classes which will accommodate your previous agendas," the headmaster said with a grin, patting a large pile of files with his right hand. You cast a brief glance at the manila envelopes containing your Namimori Middle files. How the _hell_ that deranged infant even managed to steal those classified notes without Hibari's notice was _beyond_ you. Perhaps this was a thought better left untouched.

You struggled to keep a grin from appearing on your lips at the sight of Shouichi's pale complexion at the mention of _Professor Boreen._ Watching your red-headed friend with a side-glance, you noticed the male's right hand slowly reaching up to grasp the material of his shirt which was covering his sensitive stomach. Ah, it appears Shou-chan's beginning to feel uneasy. Deciding to take matters into your own hands in an effort to somehow ease Shouichi's tension, you asked the headmaster a question. "Home Economics class is available here, isn't it?"

The wealthy man chuckled with mirth at the question you had posed for him. "Yes. Culinary skills are an essential necessity offered to our students. I assure you that you will be well taught in art of cooking, Sawada-san. Chen Wok has the most _delightful_ recipes up his sleeve. They're simply scrumptious!"

"Excellent~!" you cheered with a grin, earning an appreciative chuckle from the red-head seated beside you.

It was then the bell sounded, its melodious tune filling the air to signal the end of classes.

"Well, I suppose you two will want to familiarize yourselves with Ouran," the headmaster began with a smile, "I know that this school can be a tad bit overwhelming for students transferring from Namimori Middle, but hopefully you will find everything to your liking. Should you have any questions, please feel free to approach me any time and I shall do my best to provide you with the answers you seek."

"Ah, thank you Suoh-san," you said, raising from your chair and performing a small bow along with Shouichi to show your respect.

"No need to thank me. Your decision to attend Ouran is thanks enough," the headmaster replied with a grin, waving goodbye as you then proceeded to take your leave. "Should you become lost, please don't hesitate to ask a student for assistance!" the middle-aged man called out to you and Shouichi just as the two of you began to close his office door on your way out.

"Will do~ thanks!"

Chuckling softly under his breath, the headmaster propped his elbows on the table and laced his fingers together. "What fine young _men…_"

* * *

><p>"…I think we're lost."<p>

Shouichi watched on in mild amusement as you banged your head repeatedly against a marble pillar, strings of curses leaving your lips, informing the red-head that you had picked up your foul language from your overzealous subordinate. Giving a small shake of his head, Shouichi smiled fondly. Well, instead of the normal anxiety that would normally attack his system in a situation such as this, Shouichi found himself (oddly enough) at peace. He deduced that the remedy was your mere presence. The genius always felt more at ease whenever you were around, so, despite your current predicament of having lost yourselves in the gargantuan school, Shouichi couldn't help but feel content.

_You,_ on the other hand, were another story all together.

"We're doomed. DOOMED! Doomed to forever walk through these halls of solitude without a shred of hope whatsoever!"

"Melodramatic much?" Shouichi mused aloud with a grin.

Keeping your forehead pressed against the sleek marble pillar, you held up your right hand in a silent gesture to tell Shouichi to 'keep-your-witty-comments-to-yourself'. The only response you got from your red-headed friend was snort of endearment. The male had to arch a brow in amusement at the sight of you slowly turning your head, your eyes covered by your brown bangs and portraying a sense of morbid on your behalf. Shrugging his shoulders, Shouichi titled his head to the side, "Tsu-chan, are you low on sugar again?"

Your answer was your action of banging your head once again on the marble pillar (repeatedly).

"If you keep that up you'll have a nasty headache later."

You paused, blinking in surprise at the sound of the monotone voice speaking up just now. Turning your body around, you spared a glance in Shouichi's direction, silently taking notice of his own surprise as the two of you then proceeded to lock your eyes on the newcomer. It appeared to be a _male_ with shaggy brown hair and spectacles which were quite similar to Shouicih's. The _boy's_ attire differed greatly from the typical Ouran uniforms. Instead of a spiffy outfit, the _male_ was adorning a large, baggy purple sweater and black sweatpants.

"Ah," you noted in surprise, blinking three times before a grin suddenly appeared on your lips. "It's so nice to see someone _'normal'_ around here! I was beginning to think Shou-chan and I were the only two people undressed~"

The _male_ chuckled softly under _his_ breath. "Not everyone comes from extraordinary wealthy families. For people like us, we have to work hard to get where we are today."

"That's an understatement," you sighed, releasing a small puff of air.

"Well, it's nice to see I'm not alone in this rich society," the _male_ noted in a fond tone, offering _his_ hand to you with a kind smile on _his_ lips. "My name is Haruhi Fujioka."

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Haruhi," you said with a smile of your own, accepting the _male's_ offer of friendship. The moment your hands connected, sepia eyes clashed with brown ones. The two of you remained stationed, your hands still locked in their hold. The curious silence piqued Shouichi's interest. The red-head glanced at you and then Haruhi, a questioning look arising in his eyes. However, before Shouichi even had a change to inquire something, both you and Haruhi broke into a fit of giggles.

"Care to explain why you're adorning a male uniform?" Haruhi asked with a grin.

"The same could be said for you, my friend. With that outfit, one would deem it worth of unisex," you replied cheekily, causing Shouichi to perform a face-plant.

"W-what are you two babbling about?" Shouichi asked, picking himself up off the floor and dusting his clothes off while casting a wary look in your direction.

Haruhi smiled kindly at your childhood friend. Gingerly pushing _his_ spectacles slightly higher on the bridge of _his_ nose, the young _male_ uttered a few words that left Shouichi speechless. "I'm a _**girl.**_"

It was then Shouichi decided that now would be the _perfect_ time to have a fainting spell.

* * *

><p>You curiously peered over Haruhi's shoulder, gazing at the wild sight of multiple students crowding within a glamorous library that had books stacked on shelves that extended all the way up to the roof. It was quite the sight to behold, overwhelming, but fascinating all the same. The only down side to this extraordinary library would be the fact that absolutely <em>no one<em> was making good use of the room and actually studying. In fact, all of the girls and boys were currently chatting amongst each other merrily, creating a rather loud atmosphere within what should normally be the 'silence zone'.

Your new friend released an exasperated sigh and closed the door. Turning her back on _Library Room #4_, Haruhi carefully tucked her books under her left arm before proceeding down the hall with you and Shouichi in tow.

After Shouichi had recovered from his initial shock from having Haruhi's gender revealed in such a blunt way, Haruhi had kindly agreed to give you two a tour at Ouran. During this little escapade, you three had managed to begin some light talking where you then found yourselves completely engaged in a rather interesting conversation. Apparently Haruhi had decided to attend this prestigious school in order to chase her dream of one day becoming a lawyer. She was as big a bookworm as your darling Shou-chan, and you couldn't help but snicker quietly to yourself when the two would become completely absorbed in their heated discussions about things that they've read.

After your extremely long tour, Haruhi had politely offered you and Shouichi an invitation to join her during her study session. Eager to view the library and spend some more quality time with your new friend, you and Shouichi had accepted Haruhi's invitation. Now, the three of you were currently roaming around Ouran, searching for a quiet place to study. Ironically, the last three libraries your group had come across were just as noisy as the last one you just visited. Clearly the students here (aside from Haruhi, of course) had absolutely no desire to spend their free time working on their homework.

"There are four library rooms, so why do they all have to be noisy?" Haruhi asked, ascending the staircase that led up to the third level.

You and Shouichi loyally trailed after the brunette, pondering over her question while walking through another corridor. Placing your hands behind your head, you chanced a glance outside a window you were passing. Three white doves flew by, capturing your attention as they took off into the sky until their forms disappeared in the clouds above. Turning your head back to the front, you noticed another group of Ouran students pass by, chatting rather boisterously. "It seems like the children of rich people come to school for the fun of it," you noted in mild amusement.

Snickering at the sound of Haruhi's agitated grunt, you felt a small grin forming on your lips.

It wasn't long until your little group reached the end of the corridor. There, a lone door stood out to you three. Glancing curiously up at the sign above, you read the label _Music Room #3_.

"An unused music room," Haruhi mumbled softly, reaching out to grasp a hold of the gold door handle and twisting the object so that she could open the door. "I guess this is about the only place where I can study in peace and quiet."

Opening the door wide enough for you and Shouichi to peer inside, startled gasps left your lips when a bright light suddenly enveloped your vision. Blinking a few times in an effort to clear your sight, you felt your jaw drop when red rose petals flew towards your group in a graceful twist, as if following a delicate breeze. Inside, six silhouettes could be seen in the center of the room.

"Welcome!"

* * *

><p>"Those with the wherewithal – first, in society standing, and second, in money – spend their time here, at the private Ouran Academy. As such, Ouran Host Club is where handsome boys with too much time on their hands entertain and charm girls, who also have too much time on their hands. It is the school's own personal, elegant playground for the super rich."<p>

Somehow you, Shouichi, and Haruhi found yourselves locked in the room with six young men. The blonde one that was sitting in the chair in the center of the group had begun his long lecture which none of you had even inquired about. Instead, the blonde beauty began to rant, oblivious to the tension that was currently rising in your little group as the three of you edged back towards the door.

"H-host Club?"

The ginger-haired twins gazed at your group with un-amused expressions. "Ah, they're just guys."

"Hikaru and Kaoru, one of these visitors is in the same class as you, right?" the young man with raven hair inquired curiously, adjusting his spectacles while sparing a glance in the twins' direction.

"Yes, he is, but he isn't very sociable, so we don't know him too well," Hikaru and Kaoru explained in unison, shrugging their shoulders and easily expressing that they had no interest whatsoever in the current subject.

The raven-haired male released a small sigh before a smile formed on his lips. "It's impolite to say it like that," he chided his two identical friends. Crossing his arms over his chest, the male turned his attention towards your group. "Welcome to Ouran Host Club, Honor Students."

Before either you, Shouichi, or Haruhi even had a chance to utter a word, the blonde male with amethyst eyes immediately stood from his seat, his eyes widening in surprise. "What? Then, these are the exceptionally rare honor students we've heard about, Haruhi Fujioka, Irie Shouchi and Tsunayoshi Sawada, is _you_ three?"

Haruhi was currently working frantically on the doorknob, trying her hardest to open the jammed door. You and Shouichi exchanged bewildered looks with one another. How did these people know your names? This was just way too bizarre, plus, the odd looks you three were currently receiving weren't helping any matters. Growing extremely uncomfortable with the awkward atmosphere, Shouichi quickly moved to help Haruhi try and open the door, leaving you to stare curiously at the six males who were sizing you up.

Arching a brow, you felt the words spill from your lips. "How do you know our names?"

The raven-haired male chuckled softly at your bravado. "It's just that our school tradition makes it difficult for commoners to get in." The words 'commoner' flashed over your head, causing you to blanch at the term that you and your friends had just been labeled with. "I've been told that unless you possess a rather audacious nerve, you cannot become a student here."

Well, how _pleasant._

While Haruhi and Shouichi had most likely been accepted into this prestigious school based off of their tedious studies, you were more than likely accepted thanks to a certain _hitman_ who simply didn't know when to butt out of your life. Squeezing the bridge of your nose, you mumbled quietly to yourself. You had barely been at this school for a day and already you had a headache forming. Why was it that whenever Reborn decided to meddle with your life you _always_ found yourself entangled in the most _peculiar_ of things?

"Yes! He's saying that you're a hero, Sawada-_kun_!" the blonde male exclaimed, appearing magically beside you and slapping a hand onto your shoulder. Startled by the blonde's sudden appearance, you jerked back and bumped into Haruhi, unintentionally passing the ecstatic male's attention onto her.

"Even though you might be the head of the class, you are still the poorest person in the whole school," the blonde declared dramatically, swinging his right arm out as a spotlight beamed down upon him. You and Shouichi immediately backed up against the wall, petrified looks splashed across your faces while Haruhi quickly etched away from the emotional blonde. "Maybe you lowly people are looked down upon," the male insisted, swinging his arms about.

"No, I wouldn't necessarily say go _that_ far," Haruhi argued with a frown, quickly making her way towards you and Shouichi and taking shelter in-between you both.

"It doesn't matter, does it? Long live the poor!" the blonde cheered, sliding behind you three and placing his hands on yours and Shouichi's shoulders, pushing you two and Haruhi together. "Welcome to our world of beauty, poor men!" Roses magically appeared out of seemingly nowhere, startling your group as you three hastily jerked away from the over dramatic blonde who was currently sparkling in the spot light. Carefully inching your way towards the door, you, Haruhi and Shouichi prayed for a safe escape.

…That was easier said than done.

"Hey! Tsu-_chan!_ Tsu-_chan!_ Tsu-_chan,_ you're a hero? Amazing!" You yelped when the smallest blonde suddenly latched onto your arm, dragging you down to his level and gazing up at you with starry eyes. You sweat-dropped at the sight of pink flowers glittering over the short boy's head, giving him an abundance of cuteness that you found yourself struggling to evade.

"Uh, I'm not a hero," you corrected hesitantly, tugging gently on your arm to see if it would budge. No luck. It was held firmly within the little bugger's grasp. "I'm just an honor student."

"Still, to think that such fabled, erudite students would be gay…" the dramatic blonde noted thoughtfully to himself, placing one hand on his hip and another under his chin.

Shouichi appeared mortified by the dramatic blonde's words. "Gay?"

Brushing off the conclusion he had deduced you three with, the dramatic blonde smiled brightly in your groups' direction. "The wild type? The boy Lolita type? The Little Devil Type? The Cool Type?"

"I-It's not like that!" Haruhi yelped, her face turning bright red as she began to stagger back in shock. "We were just looking for a quiet place where we could study."

The dramatic blonde appeared to be ignoring Haruhi's response. You watched with a sweatdrop as the male strode across the room towards your skittish female friend. Completely invading her personal bubble, the dramatic blonde placed his left hand under Haruhi's chin and brought his face right up against hers with a suave smile on his lips. "Or maybe…" the blonde purred, "…you'd like to try me? How about it?"

Haruhi shrieked, jerking away from the dramatic blonde and staggered back until she crashed into a pedestal that had been propped up in the middle of the room. The marble vase that had been placed atop of the pedestal teetered off, causing yours, Shouichi's and Haruhi's faces to instantly go pale at the sight of the extremely _expensive_ vase falling towards the floor. Feeling your hands twitch, you found your body immediately reacting on its own (most likely due to all of the extensive training your hitman had put you through). Rushing forward, you dived for the inanimate object, your hands flying out to catch the breakable object just before it crashed mercilessly to the ground. Allowing a small grunt to leave your lips as your body hit the ground, you couldn't help but think your brash actions well worth the effort – considering the fact that the vase was still in one piece.

Shouichi was stiff as a board and sweating like crazy. His emerald eyes were wide, his mouth ajar in what you assumed was a silent scream. Haruhi was no better. The brunette was currently hunched over the pedestal, her eyes wide with disbelief while her hands tightly gripped the edges of the stand. Despite your friends' humorous expressions, you decided it would be best to get this vase out of your grasp should anything disastrous occur in the next minute or so. Slowly getting to your feet, you turned towards Haruhi, watching the young woman stumble back so that you could carefully place the marble vase back on its pedestal. Once the delicate object was back where it belonged, you continued to hold your hands out so that you wouldn't chance hitting the inanimate object. Taking a few steps backwards, you found yourself exhaling a loud sigh in relief (which oddly sounded identical to Haruhi's and Shouichi's own sighs).

_BANG._

The familiar sound of a gunshot you had grown accustomed to hearing for the past few years rang loudly through the air, startling you and Shouichi and causing the two of you to jump. Your eyes flew towards the vase, your face paling at the sight of the object blowing up into a million pieces. No words were said as the sound of the vases' remains hit the floor. Feeling all circulation leave your legs, you found yourself falling to your knees, gazing dumbfounded at the thousands of marble pieces strewn about. Through the white bits, a small, red bullet stood out. Reaching a shaking hand out, you picked up the cartridge.

It was a Dying Will Bullet – of this you were sure.

The ginger-haired twins popped up beside you, scolding looks appearing on their faces as they 'tsked' your 'clumsy actions'. "The Renaissance vase that was to be featured in the school auction!" Hikaru said with a shake of his head.

"Now you've done it," his twin, Kaoru, chimed in, "We were going to start the bidding at 8 million yen for that!"

Shouichi felt his stomach drop. "8 million yen!"

"How many thousand yen is that? How many thousands are in 8 million?" Haruhi moaned, her right hand working wildly to try and add up the total sum.

Releasing a small growl, your right hand snapped shut around the small red bullet encased in your grasp. Slowly getting to your feet, you sheepishly gazed up at the two ginger-haired twins standing before you. Coughing into your left fist, your right hand dived into your pocket to hide the cause of this disaster. You would _definitely_ give that deranged hitman of yours a piece of your mind once you got home this evening. He had gone way too far today, and because of his careless actions, you and your friends were currently stuck in an awkward and tense situation. Damn that baby!

"Um, can I pay you guys back somehow?" you asked unsurely, feeling your stomach squirm at the sight of the devious expressions currently overtaking the twins' facial features.

"Could you even?" the twins coursed together in unison. "You can't even afford the designated uniform."

Feeling an irk mark appear on your forehead, you couldn't help but release a small hiss in aggravation. The small sound had not escaped the twins' hearing (lucky for you). Taking a stand at by your side, the ginger-haired boys began to poke and prod your body, causing you to jerk back and swat their hands away with an angered expression splashed across your face. "Hey, hey, hey! Hands off the merchandise, bub!"

"What is with this grubby outfit, anyway?" Hikaru teased, pulling on your baggy shirt and giving you a once over with his eyes.

Yanking your scarlet tie out of Kaoru's hold, you smacked Hikaru's hand away from venturing any further. "For your _information,_ this grubby uniform just so happens to be the boys' uniform for Namimori Middle, you know, the school I just so happened to transfer from ya morons!"

The spectacle raven-haired male chuckled fondly at your defensive retorts. Casually striding over towards your group, the male stooped down to pick up one of the vase's shattered remains. Gazing silently at the shard, the raven-haired male allowed a smile to cross his lips before he addressed the dramatic blonde. "What will it be, Tamaki?

Sitting elegantly in the chair located in the center of the room, Tamaki crossed his legs and propped his right elbow on the arm rest, placing his chin in the palm of his hand. "Have you ever heard this saying, Sawada-_kun?_" the blonde inquired, gesturing towards you with his left hand. "'When in Rome, do as the Romans do!'" Tamaki's words left you puzzled, causing you to turn a deaf ear to the twins' taunts so that you could focus on Tamaki's speech. "If you have no money, then pay with your body," The sudden change in Tamaki's overdramatic attitude left you baffled (along with Shouichi and Haruhi, of course).

Smiling brilliantly in your direction, Tamaki locked his amethyst eyes with your own sepia ones. "Starting today, you and your friends are the Host Club's dogs!"

_*This is too much, Nii-san*_ you thought to yourself, sweat dripping down the side of your face while your hands twitched anxiously by your sides. You didn't even notice the short blonde boy from earlier bouncing over to your side and poking you to see if he could get a reaction from you. _*I've been captured by a ridiculous bunch who calls themselves a 'Host Club'*_

This was the moment you, Shouichi and Harui decided to promptly black out.


	2. Starting Today, You Are A Host! Part 1

**This is a spinoff from my other fanfiction "It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World"**

**Hope you all enjoy it~! R&R!**

"Tsuya…"

Tsuna gazed fondly at your immobile body that was currently taking shelter under the covers of your shared bed. Ever since you had come home yesterday evening, you hadn't really been in the best of moods. Granted, you did have a good excuse. Of course, when you confronted Reborn about his interference with your new enrollment and already swamping you and Shou-chan with an _enormous_ debt within your first day at Ouran Academy, the hitman had merely responded by telling you that a little hard work never hurt anyone. Your mood for the rest of that evening was sour, and neither Tsuna nor Gokudera could cheer you up. As disheartening as it was at first, Tsuna later learned the severity of your situation, and that the 'debt' that Reborn had saddled you and Shouichi with was actually 8 million yen. The mere thought had knocked the air right out of Tsuna's lungs.

Was that deranged infant out to destroy yours and Tsuna's lives for the heck of it?

Releasing a small huff, Tsuna shook his head to rid his mind from the troubling thoughts. Returning to his previous task of trying to coax you out of bed, Tsuna lifted the comforter off of your small form, a brilliant smile appearing on his lips when his eyes met your own tired and aggravated gaze. "Morning, Tsu~!" your brother greeted you lovingly, his heart inflating at the sound of your voice the moment you spoke your words.

"Nii-san…" you whined childishly, turning onto your side so that your back was facing your beloved twin, "I don't _wanna_ go to school today."

Releasing the comforter from his hands, Tsuna crawled into bed, his left hand reaching out to place itself on your shoulder so that he could turn your body to a position where you were lying flat on your back. "Your request is plausible," Tsuna chuckled, moving his body ever so slightly into a position where he was now straddling you. "However, I must inform you that despite your lack of enthusiasm you are entitled to get out of bed today."

"But Nii-san…" you began to softly protest, only to be cut off by Tsuna as your twin grasped a hold of your wrists.

"I know Reborn can be diabolical most of the time, in fact, he's like that pretty much _all_ the time," Tsuna mumbled to himself with a sweatdrop, "but you just have to try and get past his crazy antics. Don't let him ruin your day, Tsuya. I know the situation seems bleak, but you always manage to find a way to make the most out of your dilemmas. Just try to take everything one step at a time, okay? I'm sure everything will work out for you in the end – it _always_ does."

Tsuna's words eased your anxious heart.

Gazing up at your beloved sibling, you couldn't help but grin at the brilliant smile Tsuna flashed you when he realized his pep talk had actually worked. The two of you burst into a fit of laughter, your forms tackling one another until you both found yourselves rolling out of bed and wrestling each other on the floor. Your squeals and laughter filled the air, energizing Tsuna as the male pounced and successfully managed to pin you to the ground with a flamboyant grin etched on his adorable features. "That's another victory for me, Tsu~" your twin taunted playfully, placing a chaste kiss on your forehead and then rolling back when you took a weak swing at him while laughing at your brother's mischievous behavior.

"Tsu-kun! Tsu-chan! It's time to get ready for school!"

Upon the sound of your mother's voice echoing from downstairs, you and Tsuna glanced at one another before grins overtook both your features. Scrambling frantically, the two of you raced towards your shared dresser, playfully bumping onto each other's shoulders while trying to scrounge up your uniforms. After a couple of minutes of tossing random articles of clothing at one another, you and Tsuna finally managed to stumble across your school uniforms.

"I think the best part about posing as a guy is the _wonderful_ opportunity I get for wearing your uniform, Nii-san~" you hummed cheerfully to yourself, slipping the silk, scarlet tie around your neck and tenderly adjusting the article of clothing. "I honestly don't see why they won't let girls wear boys' uniforms. If you ask me, I personally think the boys' uniforms are much more comfortable."

Tsuna's laughter filled your ears, causing a smile to instantly appear on your lips at the melodious sound. "Well, despite your opinion on the guys' uniforms, _I_ personally like to see you in the girls' uniforms. After all, you're utterly _delectable_ in those skirts, Tsu~" your brother teased, his laughter spiking when you suddenly chucked a pillow in his direction. "What? It's the truth!"

After roughhousing _delightfully_ for ten minutes, you and Tsuna were _finally_ equipped with your uniforms. Grinning fondly at your reflection in the mirror, you couldn't help but mentally cheer at the fact that you looked so much like your beloved twin when adorning his uniform. Tsuna playfully rolled his eyes, giving you a small shove so that he could snap you out of your daze. "Try not to fall in love with yourself, Tsu. It's not healthy."

"On the contrary," you corrected with an impish grin, adjusting your navy blue shirt, "I'm merely falling in love with the aspect of resembling _you_, my darling Nii-san."

The blush that suddenly erupted on Tsuna's features was simply _adorable._

**"TSUYA!"**

Nana blinked in surprise at the sound of her son's voice. Gazing up at the ceiling where her children's room resided up above, Nana couldn't keep the smile from her face at the thought of her kin. Loud footsteps could be heard thundering down the staircase, causing the woman to shake her head fondly at this daily routine her children performed every morning. Despite the fact that you and Tsuna were growing older, the two of you remained completely childish, and for that, Nana was grateful. It would seem both you and Tsuna still needed her gentle guidance, and the mere thought warmed Nana's heart. Smiling brightly, the woman returned to her current task of making breakfast for the many occupants of the Sawada household.

"Ha! Victory belongs to ME this round, Nii-san!" you cheered victoriously, raising your arms high above your head as your feet touched the bottom level of your house first. Tsuna's laughter could be heard from behind you as your sibling joined your side. Grinning widely at your beloved brother, you and Tsuna bumped fists with one another.

"You win this round, Tsu, but next time I won't go easy on you," Tsuna taunted you playfully, his handsome eyes shining with mirth.

"Psh! I'd like to see you _try~_" you retorted, crossing your arms over your chest and shooting your twin a smirk.

A flash of magenta caught your attention from your peripheral vision. Turning your head slightly, your eyes widened in surprise at the sight of Bianchi leaning casually against the wall located right outside your kitchen. The woman had her eyes closed, her lips tilted in a secretive smile. Sharing a brief glance with Tsuna, you warily approached your female tutor. "Uh, Bianchi?" you voiced the magenta-haired beauty's name.

"There is no finer cooking than that made with love," the female hitman declared, earning a curious look from you in response. Chuckling softly under her breath, Bianchi pushed herself away from the wall. Placing her hand atop of your head, the woman ruffled you hair with a fond smile appearing on his delicate features. "I'm very proud of you, Tsuya. It appears as though you've grasped the true meaning of 'love'."

You remained stationed to your spot, glancing over your shoulder to watch Bianchi ascend up the staircase and out of sight. Blinking in surprise, you turned your attention to your twin, shooting Tsuna a confused look. "…Did I miss something, Nii-san?" you questioned unsurely. The only response you got was a bout of delightful laughter from your sibling. Shrugging innocently, Tsuna grasped a hold of your hand and began to lead you into the kitchen.

"Princess!"

"G-Gokudera-kun!" you sputtered in surprise, your body quickly becoming enveloped in an embrace from your overzealous subordinate. Tsuna's chuckles could be heard from behind you, causing a smile to appear on your lips as you eagerly returned Gokudera's affections.

"Good morning, Tsu-kun, good morning, Tsu-chan!" your mother greeted merrily, peering over her shoulder with a bright smile on her face. The woman was currently making some scrambled eggs with glazed onions. Chuckling at the sight of your silver-haired subordinate keeping you locked in a bear-hug, Nana transferred the eggs from the frying pan into a bowl. "I'm surprised you were able to tell them apart, Gokudera-kun," Nana said, placing the metal pan down and delicately whipping her hands on her apron, "it's a little harder for me to identify which child is which now that they have the same appearances."

Gokudera beamed proudly, his grip around you tightening as your subordinate picked you up off the ground and began to spin you around. "I'll _always_ know who the Princess and who the Tenth are~" Gokudera exclaimed coming to a halt and pulling you towards him for another bear-hug. "As their right-hand man, I shall _never_ mix them up!"

"We knew we could count on you, Gokudera-kun," you giggled, returning your subordinate's hug.

Gokudera grinned, squeezing you tightly for one more hug before gently lowering you so that your feet could once again touch the ground. Taking a small step back, you finally managed to get a good look at your silver-haired Mafioso's appearance. The young man was currently adorning your father's beige apron with the letters _"Kiss the Chef"_ embroidered on the front. His silky, silver locks were currently pulled back into a small ponytail, and last but not least, were Gokudera's spectacles. You blinked in surprise, completely baffled by your dedicated subordinate's current appearance. Catching on to your adorably confused look, Gokudera smiled brightly, his heart inflating tremendously as the young male whipped out a small box for you.

You felt your jaw drop as you accepted the small box. Considering the fact that you made _dozens_ of these for your family and friends, you knew full well that you had just received a handmade bento box. Carefully lifting the lid off, you gapped at the sight of the delectable food stored inside. In the lower box was curry-flavored fried rice with onions. Hand-cut nori shaped in the figure of your favorite character, Gir, was placed delicately atop of the mound of rice. In the top box, garlicky green beans, carrot flowers, steamed broccoli, and caramelized chicken and onions occupied the small container.

Peering up from your bento box, you noticed that your brother had joined Gokudera's side. Both boys were currently beaming at you with a light flush on their faces. Unable to find your voice, you were extremely thankful when your beloved twin decided to speak up. "Gokudera-kun and I thought it would be nice to make your lunch today. After all, you're usually the one making the meals for us, so we thought it'd be a nice change for us to send you off with lunch for once," Tsuna informed you with a smile.

Neither male was prepared to have you suddenly glomp them. Your sudden action caused the two boys to stumble back, their arms quickly wrapping around your small waist. Placing a chaste kiss on Tsuna's and Gokudera's cheeks, you beamed brightly at the two males who held a positive influence on your life. "Thank you, Gokudera-kun. Thank you, Nii-san," you breathed softly whilst hugging the two young men.

"Tsuya, you should head out now. You're going to be late."

The cheerfulness that had been surrounding your group quickly evaporated at the sound of your nonchalant hitman's voice. Slowly pulling away from the embrace, you glared over at your family's kitchen table where Reborn was currently seated. His steely onyx gaze locked with your own irritated sepia ones. Completely unfazed by the withering stare you were currently sending him, Reborn waved you off. "Don't dawdle, Tsuya. It's a long walk to Ouran Academy."

Grumbling bitterly to yourself, you gently placed your bento box in your satchel, shooting Reborn one last scalding glare before turning your attention back towards your beloved Tsuna and Gokudera. Replacing your irritated look with an expression of gratitude, you embraced the young men one last time before bidding them farewell and rushing towards the front door. Tsuna moved to follow you, only to instantly come to a halt when a bullet suddenly impaled itself in the wall beside him. Whipping his head in Reborn's direction, Tsuna's eyes narrowed at the sight of the infant wielding his infamous handgun.

"Don't coddle her, No-good Tsuna. Tsuya is fully capable of walking to school by herself," Reborn chided in a calm tone, holding out his hand so that his handgun could transform back into his pet chameleon.

Gritting his teeth, Tsuna briskly turned away from his tutor. His heart hammered mercilessly in his ribcage as he watched you open the front door and greet a flustered Shouichi whose hand was currently posed to knock. Throwing all caution to the wind by ignoring Reborn's command, Tsuna rushed after you, frantically calling your name. Pausing to turn around, you were nearly knocked back when Tsuna suddenly tackled you into a hug.

Holding you tenderly as if this would be the last time he'd ever hold you, Tsuna closed his eyes and whispered softly into your ear. "I'll miss you, Tsu."

Feeling your heart squeeze at Tsuna's desperation to keep you in his arms, you returned your brother's embrace with equal vigor. "I'll miss you too, Nii-san."

Opening his mouth in an effort to try and somehow persuade you to stay home, Tsuna's head jerked forward when something hard suddenly smacked him roughly in the back of his skull. Yelping loudly in surprise, Tsuna whipped his head around to see a petrified Gokudera standing in the doorway. Shaking his hands wildly, the silver-haired Mafioso pointed to a smug hitman who was currently aiming another rock at his poor pupil's head with the help of his green slingshot. Feeling his lower abdomen boil with rage, Tsuna shot the infant a scathing look. "Damn it, Reborn!"

"It's time to grow up, No-good Tsuna," the toddler replied in that nonchalant tone of his.

Deciding you should take your leave before Reborn inflicted any more physical abuse to your darling twin; you leaned forward and placed a chaste kiss on Tsuna's forehead. "I love you, Nii-san."

Before Tsuna even had a chance to respond, you had pulled out of his embrace and rushed off with Shouichi at your heels. Feeling his stomach drop, Tsuna remained motionless, his face resembling the look of a kicked puppy. It wasn't until a hand placed itself on his shoulder that Tsuna finally snapped out of his daze. Peering up to his left, Tsuna was met with Gokudera's understanding gaze. The two young men watched your retreating form until it disappeared from their sights.

Reborn gave a small roll of his eyes. How ironic that fate would slap him with two love-sick puppies that he had to whip into shape to become _real_ men. Adjusting his fedora, Reborn sighed mentally when the sound of Lambo's wails suddenly filled the air. Apparently the Bovino assassin had just woken up to find you absent. Feeling his irritation levels rise, Reborn aimed his slingshot and pelted both Tsuna and Gokudera with rocks to the back of their heads. Ignoring their pained yelps, Reborn calmly spoke his words.

"_Real_ Mafioso men don't pine after their women depart less than a minute ago, No-good Tsuna."

* * *

><p><em>"The Host Club is now open for business."<em>

"Tamaki-kun, what's your favorite music?" a young woman seated at Tamaki's table asked, gazing dreamily at the blonde beauty who was seated in the velvet couch across from her with two other women at his side.

"That one tune, that reminds me of you, of course," Tamaki replied smoothly, gracing the young woman with a charming smile.

"I baked you a cake today," another young woman said, gesturing towards the dessert laid out on the table with a hopeful expression on her face. "Would you have some for me?"

Tamaki gently placed his hand under the young woman's chin, a coy smile lighting up his features as the blonde beauty leaned his face close to hers, "If you will feed it to me."

The woman was _beyond_ flustered. "Oh, Tamaki-kun!"

"Tamaki-sama, I heard…" another woman began in a brisk tone, delicately placing her teacup with its counterpart on the table. Placing her hands in her lap, the woman waited for Tamaki to turn his full attention onto her. Smiling quite falsely, the woman flipped a few of her burgundy locks over her shoulder. "You're keeping unpedigreed little kittens?"

Leaning casually back into the couch, Tamaki slung his left arm over the top of the velvet furniture. "I wouldn't say kittens, more like…" the blonde trailed off, his amethyst eyes locking on three forms that just so happened to enter the Host Club room in a rather sluggish pace. A smile instantly lit Tamaki's face upon recognition of yours, Shouichi's, and Haruhi's figures trudging begrudgingly into the bustling club. "Oh, speak of the devil," Tamaki chuckled under his breath. Waving towards your group with his right hand in a civil manner, Tamaki called out to you three. "Thank you for shopping for us, little piglets. Did you get everything bought all right?"

"D-did he just call us _piglets?_" you asked your dear red-headed friend in an incredulous tone.

Releasing a small puff of air, Shouichi nodded his head, "Affirmative."

"Stupid…arrogant…stuck-up…rich…shi-" you seethed bitterly to yourself, stomping past Tamaki's couch with your heavy load of groceries in hand. Despite your efforts to beeline it past the obnoxious group of teens, Tamaki's hand suddenly reached out and dove into your paper bag. Yanking a small, plastic container out, the drama king stared blankly at the package of instant coffee. Turning it over a few times in his hands in an effort to try and somehow 'decode' the _strange_ item, amethyst eyes finally locked on your irritated form.

"So, what is this, then?" Tamaki inquired.

You, Shouichi, and Haruhi stared at the oblivious blonde. The three of you were silently debating on whether or not this dude was actually _serious._ Were these people so spoiled that they've _never_ tried instant coffee? What, they only lived off of the finest coco beans, or something? Is he _serious?_ Banging your head repeatedly on a marble pillar located beside you, you were too preoccupied with inflicting bodily harm to yourself to even bother answering Tamaki's earlier question. Haruhi kindly stepped up to the plate in your stead. "Just what it looks like. It's coffee."

"I've never seen this brand before," Tamaki noted thoughtfully, "is this the kind that's already ground?"

Shouichi shot the blonde an odd look. "No, it's instant."

The two women sitting across from Tamaki cocked their heads to the side, large question marks floating above their heads. "Instant?"

Tamaki's eyes suddenly widened in shock, his jaw dropping as he quickly realized the particular brand of crushed beans. "Oh, commoner's coffee, where you only have to add hot water, right?"

Nine other women suddenly gathered behind the two women seated across from the awed drama king. Each face was currently etched with curiosity and confusion. Heavy anticipation layered the air with this particular group, all eyes locked on the small plastic container held firmly within Tamaki's grasp. Excited banter filled the air as the women began to gossip with one another. "Ooh, I've heard of this," a brunette spoke, "so it's true about poor people not having any free time, so they can't even grind their own beans, huh?" The other women accompanying her nodded their heads vigorously in agreement. Five more women crowded around Tamaki along with a highly curious Kyouya and two mildly interested ginger-haired twins.

"Commoners have their wisdom," the bespectacled raven-haired man observed.

"It says that 100g costs 300 yen," Hikaru noted in bewilderment.

Kaoru furrowed his brows. "That's an incredible price drop."

"Oh for God's sake, people!" you snapped irritably, whirling around and stomping your right foot angrily while waving your left hand accusingly at the stupefied group of rich kids. "We'll go buy something else if you overdramatic lot are going to make such a big fuss out of this! And _excuse_ us for not buying the ridiculously high priced coffee – _some_ of us have more important things to save our money towards than spending it all sporadically on trivial things!"

"No, wait!" Tamaki began, raising his right hand up to silence you (earning a rather nasty glare from you in response). Standing up, the blonde placed a hand on his hip while he gazed determinedly at the plastic container of beans, "I'll drink this," Tamaki declared, evoking shocked gasps from the bewildered audience gathered around him. Striking a strange pose, Tamaki lifted the instant coffee jar above his head, causing the artificial light to reflect off of the container's plastic sheen. "I'll drink this, all right!" Applause erupted throughout the room after hearing Tamaki's bold declaration. Raising his right hand to silence the boisterous noise, Tamaki then gestured towards your red-headed friend to come to his side. "All right, Shouichi, come over here and make this commoner's coffee."

_*Damn these rich people…*_ you and Haruhi thought bitterly in unison, sluggishly trailing after a poor Shouichi who was currently being dragged to a large table set up near the back of the room.

"Oh, Tamaki-sama, you carry the joke too far," the burgundy-haired woman spoke up with a click of her tongue, earning your full attention as you came to an immediate halt and turned your body so that you were fully facing this highly obnoxious woman. A frown tugged on your lips when the customer allowed the next set of spiteful words to leave her mouth. "There's no way that such a _lowly_ person's drink will be to your taste."

Feeling the rage slowly boil in your lower abdomen, you couldn't help but spit out, "This coming from the _obnoxious_ woman sitting by her lonesome?"

"Forgive me," the woman huffed, flipping some locks of hair over her shoulder while gracing you with a sickly sweet smile. "I was talking to myself."

"Suuuuure ya were," you matched the woman's sarcasm with a roll of your eyes. "If you're talking to yourself then _I'm_ simply marveling at your lack of social skills, which then leads me to believe you're some sort of, I dunno, bi-"

"Tsunayoshi!" Tamaki bellowed your name, causing you to instantly flinch at the loud tone he was using. Glancing towards the blonde's direction, you found the man waving frantically at you to come and join the huge gathering that was currently surrounding Shouichi and Haruhi as the two made the instant coffee. Peering over your shoulder to shoot the burgundy-haired woman one last irritated glare, you obediently trudged towards Tamaki as the man continued to ecstatically beckon you.

The words _"Demonstration of commoners' coffee, by a commoner"_ flashed vibrantly over poor Shouichi's and Haruhi's heads as the two individuals began to pour water into the various teacups they had set up and added the correct amount of instant beans to. Placing your bag of groceries down, you moved to stand by Tamaki's side. The overly happy blonde slapped your back with large grin plastered across his face. Before you even had a chance to blink, a large gold tray was suddenly thrust into your hands with about eight cups of coffee on it.

Placing both of his hands on your shoulders, Tamaki shot a charming smile towards his female audience as bright, yellow sparkles suddenly appeared around his head. "Let the tasting begin~"

"I'm a little scared to drink this…" the cluster of women muttered nervously amongst themselves after you had handed out the teacups filled with 'commoners' instant coffee'.

A cinnamon-haired woman eyed her cup warily. "If I drink this, my father will yell at me."

Taking the golden platter that Tamaki had previously handed you, you began to smack your forehead with the object. Blissfully ignoring the curious stares the ginger-haired twins shot your way, you continued to inflict pain upon yourself in an effort to knock all of this insanity out of your poor brain (which, by the way, wasn't working). Shouichi hung his head in defeat while Haruhi's glasses gleamed in the artificial lighting, hiding her sarcastic look from the gossiping crowd of females.

Tamaki made his move. Rushing to the cinnamon-haired woman's side, the blonde wrapped his arms around the woman's waist and dipped her back, gracing her with a suave smile as roses magically appeared around them. "What if you drank it from my mouth?" the blonde purred, his lips forming a sly, upward curve.

"I-I'd drink it," the cinnamon-haired woman sputtered, her face erupting into a deep blush while the crowd of women surrounding her burst into a fit of hysterics. Large pink hearts flew everywhere, causing you, Haruhi and Shouichi to immediately duck in a vain effort to avoid a head-on collision with these dangerous flying objects.

"Good grief…" you grumbled, slowly stalking off to another part of the room. You meandered towards the ginger-haired twins who were currently entertaining two women at their table. Cautiously inching closer to the two males, you silently observed their behavior. Hikaru was currently leaning back in his seat with a wide grin spread across his face. He was hugging one leg to himself while dangling the other over the edge of his seat. Karou's face was currently erupted in a light flush as his twin was spouting embarrassing tales about him. Meanwhile, the two women were giggling gleefully, their eyes sparkling wildly as they listened to Hikaru's every word.

"So then, he had this terrible dream, and when he bolted up from it…" Hikaru began another tale, causing his counterpart to slam his hands on the table as a dark flush appeared on his face.

"Hikaru! Not that story!" Kaoru protested, his eyes shining with a glassy sheen as the young male brought a trembling hand to his lips. "You're awful, telling that story in front of others."

"Kaoru…" Hikaru breathed, wide eyes staring at his distraught sibling.

You arched a brow as the two women at their table grasped one another's hands and leaned against each other. Dark blushes were splashed across their faces as the stared intensely at the two twins sitting across from them. You crossed your arms over your chest, wondering where the heck those devious little buggers were taking this little shenanigan of theirs. Your answer soon came when Hikaru suddenly cradled his younger brother's face in his hands, a loving expression appearing on his features. "I'm sorry, Kaoru," he apologized in a suave tone, causing a light blush to appear on his twin's face. "You were just so cute when it happened, I couldn't help myself."

Karou's watery eyes widened in surprise. "Hikaru…"

"Waaah! What beautiful brotherly love!" the women squealed, their faces beet red while they swooned at the little 'act' going on before their very eyes.

You blanched at the scene. "This is **fucking** insane!" you wailed pathetically, flailing your arms wildly while making a mad dash for the door. Your valiant effort of escape was halted immediately by the two devious ginger-haired twins. The identical males grabbed a hold of you by locking their hands on the collar of your shirt, holding you firmly in place despite your erratic actions to try and free yourself. "Blasphemy! Blasphemy!" you whined childishly, kicking your legs frantically as the Hitachiin twins hoisted you off the ground and began to drag you back to their table.

"Leaving so soon, Sawada-san~?" Hikaru inquired with an impish grin, slinging an arm around your shoulder after dumping you into a seat located between him and Kaoru.

The younger Hitachiin twin matched his brother's actions, slinging his arm over your shoulder as well as a devious grin tilted his lips. "Ahhh, but we've _barely_ even begun~"

"…Eh?" upon hearing no response, the twins peered down at where your form _should_ have been. Instead, there was only a vacant space with white, broken lines blinking erratically where you had been sitting just moments ago. Jerking their heads up, the Hitachiin brothers caught sight of you making a break for the door. Irk marks appeared on their heads as the two twins abruptly stood up and slammed their hands down onto the table, startling the two young women sitting across from them. "Hey!"

Bluntly ignoring the Hitachiin brothers' angry shouts, you continued to make a straight beeline towards the door – only to be cut off by Mori and Hunny who had just entered the club.

"I'm sorry I'm late," Hunny apologized, tiredly rubbing his eye with his fist while Mori entered the room. The taller male was currently giving the shorter one a piggy-back ride, eliciting some rather boisterous squeals from their customers who have been anxiously awaiting their arrival.

"Hunny-kun! Mori-kun!"

"We've been waiting this whole time for you!"

Gently lifting Hunny up, Mori placed the smaller male down onto the ground. "I'm sorry," Hunny apologized in a sleepy tone, staggering in place due to his disoriented behavior. "I was waiting for Takashi to get out of his swordsmanship club, but I drifted off to sleep." Trying his best to rub the sleep out of his eyes, Hunny yawned, tears appearing at the edges of his eyes due to his exhausted state. "And I still seem to be sleepy…" Hunny mumbled softly, small pink flowers appearing above his head. His adorable antics caused the women surrounding him to break into a fit of squeals.

"Is that boy really a 3rd-Year?" Shouichi asked in disbelief, appearing by your small form. You were currently supporting yourself by leaning against a marble pillar, your sepia eyes glistening with unshed tears.

"Trapped…trapped in a world we wanted absolutely _nothing_ to do with!" you wailed pathetically, flinging your arms around Shouichi and burying your face into the anxious male's chest.

"Hunny-senpai is a prodigy, despite his appearance," Kyoya mused, calmly approaching you and Shouichi. With his left hand in his pocket and his right grasping a hold of a thin, black book, the raven-haired male shot you a bemused stare. His glasses gleamed with the artificial light for a moment before revealing his onyx eyes. "And Mori-senpai's draw is in his silent disposition."

"Tsuna-_chan!_" before you even had a change to turn around, Hunny's small form barreled right into you, knocking you right out of Shouichi's hold as the shorter blonde grabbed a hold of your right arm in an iron grip and began to spin you around in circles. "Tsuna-_chan_ would you like to have some cake with me?" the small boy asked you excitedly after halting his affectionate assault on you.

Feeling your world spin uncontrollably despite the fact that you had physically stopped spinning, you could only stutter out your reply. "M-maybe later, Hunny-senpai…"

Completely undeterred by your polite rejection, Hunny whipped out a small, stuffed pink bunny from its hidden position behind his back. "Well, I'll let you borrow my bunny, Usa-chan!"

Giving a small shake of your head to rid yourself from the last bit of nausea, you blinked for a moment before focusing your gaze on the adorable stuffed bunny being offered to you. Feeling your hands twitch anxiously by your sides at the sight of such a soft plushie, you couldn't help the light blush that covered your face at the sight of the toy. "I-it certainly is cute…" you mumbled softly while staring longingly at the pink bunny. Completely missing the wide-eyed look Hunny was currently giving you after hearing your response, you were oblivious to the mischievous smile that appeared on the smaller boy's lips as he thrust his beloved toy into your grasp and then bounded off towards his anxiously awaiting customers.

"Our club's policy is to utilize everyone's individual characteristics to respond to the needs of our guests," Kyoya informed you and Shouichi, earning curious expressions from you both in response. "By the way, around here, Tamaki is number one, the king. His request rate is 70 percent."

"What is the world coming to?" Haruhi asked in a monotone, nearly scaring you right out of your skin by how silent the young woman had been as she joined your side.

"By the way, with your 8 million yen debt," Kyoya began in a light-hearted tone, earning some rather petrified looks from your group at the mere mention of the dreaded debt, "you three will be the host club's dogs until you graduate – oh, pardon me, _errand_ boys." The sickly sweet smile on the raven-haired male's face did not help any of your group's anxiety. "You're free to run away, but my family employs an able, private police force by roughly 100." Calmly adjusting his glasses, Kyoya slyly cast you three a sideways glance. "Do you three have passports?"

Translation: Meaning, 'you won't be able to stay in Japan.'

Magically sliding into the tense scene, Tamaki nodded his head in agreement. "Yeah, be sure to work hard," the blonde hummed, appearing behind Haruhi and gently blowing on her ear, "'Dasa-oka'-kun."

Releasing a small shriek, Haruhi bolted away from Tamaki and took shelter behind your small form. Shooting the blonde a scathing glare after finally calming her frantic breathing down, Haruhi spat out her next words. "Please don't do that."

Giving a small shake of his head, Tamaki stood at his full height, placing his hands in his pockets. "You're not going to get any girls, as disheveled as you three look."

Feeling an irk mark appear on your head, you couldn't help but grit out your words in a forced response. "We're not interested in getting any in the first place."

"What are you talking about? This is important," Tamaki declared, whipping a beautiful red rose out of seemingly nowhere. "Becoming a fine man, and pleasing the ladies, is everything," the blonde beauty cooed, a spot light suddenly shining down on him and emphasizing his dramatic speech tenfold.

"It doesn't matter either way, does it?" you inquired in a curious tone, immediately breaking Tamaki's personal sunshine. "Men, women, appearances, and such?" Peering up at the stupefied male, you arched a brow as you continued your own speech. "What's important as a person is what's on the inside, right?" Returning your gaze back to the chaotic scene of the Host Club's daily activities; you allowed your last set of words to leave your lips. "I can't understand why this kind of club even exists."

"It's such a cruel thing, isn't it?" Tamaki asked in a dramatic tone, earning a blank stare from you and Haruhi in retaliation as the blonde began to go off on one of his 'moments' yet again. "Once in a while, God creates the perfect person, both inside and out," Tamaki purred, roses magically appearing behind his glowing form as the male hugged himself while yellow sparkles glittered brightly above his head. "I understand how you must feel, wanting to console yourself like that. Otherwise, you couldn't go on living, huh?"

"But think hard about it," the blonde stated, spreading his arms out wide, "why do they put museum pieces in museums?" gracefully twirling about, Tamaki froze and placed his hand under his chin in thought for a moment before slamming his right fist into the open palm of his left hand, "Yes, it is the duty of those who were born beautiful." Twirling dramatically while swinging his arms in an effort to emphasize his words, Tamaki continued to rant on and _on,_ completely oblivious to the fact that you and Haruhi had turned a deaf ear to his heated discussion.

"What is it that you call…" Haruhi mumbled softly to herself.

"—To show off beautiful things...which is why I started this club…" Tamaki continued to rant.

"…People like _this_ again?" Haruhi mumbled, placing a hand under her chin in thought.

"—For the sake of those who are starved for beauty…" Tamaki was still going strong.

"Let's see…" Haruhi hummed softly, tilting her head slightly to the right.

"—And work unsparingly, day and night, in the pursuit of beauty…"

"Hmm…what was it again?"

"—With your guys' looks, they may be needless skills, but as long as I have this opportunity, I shall share a portion of my magnificent expertise with you three."

You and Shouichi watched on with sweatdrops as Tamaki suddenly whipped a glass of water out of seemingly nowhere. Sparkles immediately surrounded the overdramatic blonde's head as the male delicately placed the beverage down on a random table that just so happened to be near him. "When placing your glass down, be sure to extend your pinky finger first, as a cushion," Tamaki instructed, demonstrating the action for your unimpressed group. Whirling around with a charismatic grace that caused a spot light to shine down on him (how many frikken lights WERE there in this dang place?). Grinning flamboyantly at your little group, Tamaki flicked some of his bangs out of his eyes before continuing on with his 'speech'. "That makes it more difficult to clatter."

"Hmm…" Haruhi hummed thoughtfully to herself, completely turning a deaf ear to the overzealous blonde.

"—And easier to clasp it where you have set it. It looks more refined that way, doesn't it?" "

"'A pain in the neck'?" Haruhi mumbled to herself.

"— Fine men do _not_ make any uncouth sounds."

"No, there's a more precise expression…" Haruhi explained to you, a small frown marring her lips due to the fact that such an expression was eluding her at the moment.

"— I also like to look at my reflection in the glass," Tamaki's suave voice broke your attention away from the pondering brunette. Turning your gaze back towards the drama king, you felt your body begin to tense when Tamaki suddenly locked eyes with you. A grin graced the young male's features as he sashayed over to you and Haruhi, sliding in between you two and placing his hands on both yours and Haruhi's shoulder. "Also, the most _important_ thing to remember…" trailing off in his sentence to create a dramatic effect (not as if he _needed_ it, anyway), Tamaki focused his attention on Haruhi and decided to pull one of his 'moves' on her, "…Is how effective looking up at an angle is."

"Oh, I got it!" Haruhi exclaimed enthusiastically, slamming her right fist into the open palm of her left hand.

Tamaki smiled coyly. "Did I strike a chord?"

"— Obnoxious." Haruhi belted the word out without a moment's hesitation.

You watched on in silent fascination as the brunette's single word stunned the dramatic blonde to silence (and THAT was a feat in itself). One moment Tamaki was standing right beside you and Haruhi, and the next, he was currently huddled in his 'rejection corner'. The sound of a loud gust of wind could be heard blowing by, causing you and Shouichi to furrow your brows in confusion. Haruhi released a puff of air when rose petals suddenly began to fall delicately around Tamaki's slumped form. You three watched the odd scene in silence for a few moments, wondering how on earth this sort of 'moment' could even be pulled off in such a cliché manner.

"Is there a draft in here or something?" you asked aloud, crossing your arms over your chest and shooting a scrutinizing look about the perimeter

"Um…Tamaki-senpai?" Shouichi called the older male's name nervously, reaching a hand out and waving it ever so slightly to see if he could catch the blonde's attention.

Laughter filled the air, causing your body to immediately tense at the sound of those familiar voices. Not even seconds later, Hikaru and Kaoru slid into view. Slamming their hands onto your head, the two identical brothers began to mockingly pat you. Gritting your teeth, your hands instantly flew above your head to swat the Hitachiin brothers' hands away from your form. Shooting them both a scathing glare, you crossed your arms over your chest. Neither Hikaru nor Kaoru appeared to be fazed by your rough behavior. Instead, the males simply began their own version of 'let's-see-how-long-we-can-tease-the-new-rookie-before-he-finally-blows-up-in-our-faces' routine by beginning a slap fest with you. While you were valiantly preoccupied with trying to fend the two troublemakers off, Haruhi was begrudgingly attempting to 'apologize' to a certain drama king (who was STILL in his own little corner of woe).

Giving a small roll of her eyes, Haruhi forced the words to leave her lips. "I'm sorry. It really did strike a small chord with me."

There was silence from Tamaki, creating a small bit of awkward tension as the blonde continued to wallow in his own pity for a few more minutes. After finally deciding he had sulked enough, Tamaki slowly began to rise to his feet. Keeping his back turned towards your group for a few moments, Tamaki refused to utter a single word, evoking a few curious looks from Shouichi and Haruhi as the two exchanged brief glances with one another. Their mild curiosity was soon answered when Tamaki suddenly whirled around; roses magically appearing (again) behind his lithe form as a brilliant smile overtook the young man's features. "I see! I see! Then allow me to share yet another skill with you three!" Tamaki exclaimed brightly, extending his right hand towards your group.

Shouichi felt a puff of air leave his lips as the red-head timidly adjusted his glasses. "H-he certainly gets over things quickly."

"Sir…" Kaoru began in a monotone, ceasing his current task of pulling on your short locks of hair to shoot his leader a disproving stare.

"Call me 'King'!" Tamaki interrupted, wiggling the fingers of his outstretched hand.

"You can teach the basics of hosting as much as you want…" Kaoru continued with a small roll of his eyes, giving a lock of your hair an unnecessary harsh tug. You hissed in reply, swatting the abusive male's hand away while sending the younger Hitachiin twin an irritated glare.

"…But in these three's case, they haven't even passed the first, most basic visual test," Hikaru picked up where his twin left off, giving you a small shove which had you stumble forward in surprise. Smirking deviously at you, Hikaru chuckled lowly under his breath while gracefully skirting around your form and giving you one last forceful shove, nearly sending you to the ground with his last move if it wasn't for the fact that Kaoru decided to actually be a 'saint' and grabbed a hold of your arm to prevent you from performing a face-plant. Helping you regain your balance, Kaoru's previous act of 'civil host member' quickly evaporated when the male placed both his hands on your shoulders and whirled you around so that you were facing him completely. The devious smirk on his lips caused a frown to appear on your own. However, before the younger Hitachiin could even begin his next move of 'harassment', Kaoru actually faltered. The young man found himself staring dumbfounded into your unusually large, sepia, doe-like eyes.

Oblivious to his younger brother's unusual silence, Hikaru moved on to his next victim…Haruhi. Striding up to the brunette, Hikaru invaded her personal space and leaned forward, his hands reaching out to grasp a hold of the glasses perched delicately upon her face. "Now, with someone of _his_ type, even if you take off his glasses, his eyes just look much smaller…" Hikaru droned, removing Haruhi's spectacles despite the young woman's frantic protests. Sliding his once previously closed eyes open, Hikaru was stunned to silence at the sight of Haruhi's attractive eyes.

"Hey, now!" Haruhi argued, waving her hands slightly in an attempt to emphasize her words. "I lost my contacts on the day of the school's opening ceremony."

The sound of an elephant stampede was played when Tamaki began to rush towards you and Haruhi, his curiosity spiking tremendously after observing the Hitachiin twins odd behaviors. Hastily pushing the two twins out of the way, Tamaki's hands suddenly latched down onto both yours and Haruhi's shoulder, startling you both as the blonde then proceeded to slam you two together. Wide, amethyst eyes scanned frantically over yours and Haruhi's forms before skimming over in your red-headed friend's direction to give Shou-chan a 'one-over', unnerving you three at the awkward atmosphere that had suddenly filled the air.

The tension increased when Tamaki's face became shadowed by his bangs. Raising his right hand up, the blonde snapped his fingers, immediately attracting the Hitachiin brothers' attention. "Hikaru! Kaoru!" Tamaki ushered the twins' names in a commanding tone, causing the ginger-haired teens to immediately salute their leader. You and Haruhi warily eyed the troublemakers as the two males rushed to your side. While Hikaru grabbed Haruhi's arm, Kaoru grabbed yours. The two were about to take off before their free hands startled Shouichi when they suddenly latched onto the collar of his shirt. Screams filled the air as you three were then whisked off to the back room, a trail of dust left behind in the Hitachiin brothers' wake as the two males dragged your group away.

"Kyoya, contact the hair designer!" Tamaki handed out his next command, pointing in the raven-haired male's direction. The second chief-in-command already had his cell phone out and was currently dialing the number his 'king' had requested.

"Mori-senpai, head to the doctor to arrange for contact lenses!" Tamaki instructed, pointing to the tall, silent male. No other words needed to be said. Mori gave a curt nod of his head to show that he understood his task and then ran off to fulfill his duty.

Hunny's head popped into Tamaki's view, pink flowers floating wildly above the short boy's head as he gazed starry-eyed at his leader. "Tama-chan, what about me?"

"Hunny-senpai…" Tamaki began, trailing off while gesturing towards the smaller lad in their group. "Please go have some cake."

Hunny sat dejectedly in a dark corner with his Usa-chan. "You know what?" the small blonde mumbled to his pink bunny in a childish whine. Tightly gripping the fork in his right hand, Hunny slumped forward in his seat, his half-lidded eyes locked on the plate of strawberry shortcake located in front of him. "Everyone else said they were busy…" the boy muttered pathetically to his stuffed companion.

You and Haruhi backed into a corner as the Hitachiin twins roughly pulled the curtain shut to your dressing room. The devious glint shimmering brightly in their eyes had not gone unnoticed, in fact, the mere sight had caused you and your brunette friend to feel _extremely_ anxious. The two of you knew this definitely did NOT bode well for either of you. Heck, even Shouichi knew this was about to turn ugly (which would probably explain why he was currently slouched in the other corner of the changing room, doubling over in pain due to his stomach cramps). Directing your gaze back to the ginger-haired twins, you felt the blood drain from your face when you saw them whip out three male uniforms for Ouran Academy. Oh shi-!

"Here! Change into this!" Hikaru and Kaoru chorused together, thrusting the articles of clothing towards you and Haruhi.

"What? _What!_" Haruhi shrieked, her face erupting into a dark blush as the twins suddenly pounced you both, their hands beginning the savage process of ripping the clothes off your bodies. Identical screams left yours and Haruhi's lips as the two of you banned together and began to pummel the twins in a desperate attempt to keep the devious little buggers from shedding your uniforms. Feeling your face burn in embarrassment, you allowed your 'fight' mode to kick in, allowing your body to move of its own accord as you preformed a round-house kick and effectively knocked the Hitachiin twins right out the dressing room.

Hikaru and Kaoru slowly sat up, their eyes blinking slowly as they tried their best to digest what had just happened. Jerking the curtain back, your seething form met their confused stares. Haruhi could be seen glowering over your shoulder as you quickly flipped the two twins off before jerking the curtain shut again, your angered voice speaking your final words. "We're perfectly capable of changing _ourselves,_ you f****** perverts!"

Huffing angrily, you gingerly let your fingers comb through you short locks in an attempt to calm your frazzled nerves. Honestly! The few rare times you ever found yourself so upset was when someone was either harassing your beloved Tsuna or when you were being harassed by that unpredicted blonde freak, Belphegor. You felt yourself bristle slightly when the Hitachiin twins' voices floated through the air, whining loudly about how rude you had been. Clenching your right hand into a fist, you took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. There was no point in beating those buggers to a bloody pulp. If they continued to harass you and Haruhi, you would simply resort to using your faithful subordinate, Gokudera Hayato. He'd surely put those uncouth youths in their place.

"Damn men…" you grumbled under your breath, stooping down to pick up one of the Ouran uniforms that had been discarded during your scuffle with the ginger-haired males. Haruhi mumbled her agreement as the young woman began to collect her own uniform. You both began to undress, completely unperturbed by the fact that Shouichi was currently present. After all, he was more of a gentleman than any of the strange blokes in this odd Host Club.

Turning his back on yours and Haruhi's forms, Shouichi released a small puff of air. Glancing down at the blue uniform of Ouran Academy held in his hands, the red-head silently mulled over the mess you three had managed to become absorbed in…all thanks to your hitman tutor, Reborn. The infant's crazy plan to somehow obtain leverage at this place was _beyond_ Shouichi's brain capacity. What on earth would an infamous hitman with a legendary mafia family in-the-making _possibly_ want with some stuck-up rich kids? Giving a small shake of his head to disperse the thought, Shouichi decided it was best not to dwell on how Reborn's crafty mind worked.

"I prefer my old uniform…" you grumbled bitterly to Haruhi while staring at your reflection in the large mirror.

Haruhi adjusted the cuffs on her sleeve, her brows furrowing together as her fingers brushed against the silk material. "These certainly are top quality…"

"This just doesn't feel…right," Shouichi voiced his opinion, drawing both yours and Haruhi's attention to himself. The red-head brushed his hands down the front of his new uniform to flatten out the wrinkles. Nervously running his tongue over his chapped lips, Shouichi met your gaze, his eyes easily expressing his unease for the whole situation you guys had become entangled with. Allowing a small smile to cross your lips, your act of reassurance managed to calm your childhood friend's nerves. Releasing a small sigh, Shouichi allowed his hands to fiddle with his tie. "Well, I suppose it could be worse."

No sooner had your dear friend spoken those words, a small blue case was suddenly thrust under the curtain. It slid across the polished floor and bumped into Haruhi's dress shoes. You and Shouichi gathered around the brunette as she reached down to pluck the container up off the floor. Taped to the front was a note, written in elegant writing which was immediately identified as Tamaki's handwriting (if the little heart over the 'I' was any indication to go by). "What's this…?" Haruhi mumbled, straining to see what the words said. The poor girl was unable to make heads or tails of the note, considering the fact that she was without her glasses.

Shouichi kindly informed Haruhi of the situation by reading the note to her. "It says, 'lose the gaudy glasses and wear these contacts'."

S-I-L-E-N-C-E

"How rude~" you commented with a small frown whilst placing your hands on your hips. "You'd think these rich brats would learn the basics of manners or something, but I suppose that's asking too much, eh?"

Shouichi's hands nervously latched on to the rim wire of his glasses, his face expressing complete horror at the mere thought of trading them in for some flimsy contacts. "I've already tried _various_ brands of eyewear and nothing comes even _close_ to the pair of glasses I own now!" the red-head cried, his face paling tremendously as he began to show instant signs of a fainting spell he was about to experience if he doesn't calm down soon.

"Forget it, Shou-chan," you dismissed with a small wave of your right hand. "You don't need to do anything you're not comfortable doing. If you prefer your glasses, then keep 'em on. There's no reason for you to wear contacts just 'cause some pricks told ya to."

Haruhi sighed softly in defeat as she snapped the blue case open. "Unfortunately for me, I don't have a choice in the matter. Tamaki-senpai has my glasses and I can't see a thing without them."

"Well," you noted thoughtfully while Haruhi began to insert her contact lenses, "at least it can't get any worse, right?"

No sooner had you spoken those words, the changing room's curtain was nearly ripped clean off when a middle-aged man suddenly forced his way into your group's little compartment. Clearly _no one_ seemed to care about the three simultaneous screams resounding from the backroom of the Host Club. You, Shouichi, and Haruhi backed into a corner and cowered like mice at the sight of such a predatory look being sent your way by the strange male who had just made an appearance. He had a large, leather bag in his right hand, and he was giving you three a one-over, scoffing loudly in distaste once he was done. "Your hair is a _disaster!_ Atrocious, even!"

The moment he dropped his bag to the floor and snapped the bulky item open, you felt your stomach drop when his hand delved in and began to viciously fish around. Jerking his appendage back out, all eyes widened at the sight of a large intimidating pair of scissors which gleamed eerily in the artificial lighting. The devious smirk the man was wearing as he slowly began to advance on you three didn't help calm any nerves, either.

Hastily grabbing your cell phone from your pocket, you began to frantically jam your finger into the button which had Gokudera's number on speed-dial. "Pick up! Pick up! Pick up! Pick up! Pick up! Pick up! **PICK UP!**"

Imagine Gokudera's surprise when he saw your name flashing across the screen of his cell phone. Flipping open the device, your subordinate opened his mouth to form a greeting – only to fall silent when he was met with the sound of terrified screams and evil laughter before the line suddenly went dead.

…

The**FUCK**was_THAT?_

* * *

><p>"Oh, are you three done changing yet~?" Tamaki's suave voice inquired curiously.<p>

Jerking the curtain back, Tamaki was met with your ruffled form. Your breath was slightly labored as you glared at the male who had caused you and your friends so much damn hassle these past few hours. However, despite your seething glare, Tamaki was completely unperturbed. Clearly your hostile look had no effect on him (damn it!). Blinking three times, the dramatic blonde took in your overall appearance. "Oh~? Your hair hasn't been touched by the stylist," Tamaki pointed out innocently, causing your line of vision to be painted over in red.

"That's because I didn't want a damn haircut, you *#$%!"

"Uwah~!"

Instead of cowering in fear like he _should_ have been, Tamaki merely brushed your insult aside and suddenly encased you in tight hug. Your world began to blur as the blonde male then began to spin you round and round, squealing loudly whilst spouting nonsense of stuff you really weren't interested in catching. Once he had his share of…whatever the heck it was he wanted, Tamaki set you back on your feet. "Damn rich kids..." was the only thing Tamaki managed to hear, however, your insult didn't appear to faze him whatsoever.

"Um, senpai?" Haruhi's voice spoke out from behind the dressing room's curtain, immediately capturing the dramatic blonde's attention.

"Oh, are you done changing?"

Jerking the curtain back, Haruhi and Shouichi's forms became visible to the Host Club, startling the group with how well the three of you had managed to clean up. Brushing a hand through her newly styled haircut, Haruhi furrowed her brows slightly as she peered in Tamaki's direction. "Can we really keep these uniforms?" she inquired cautiously, knowing full well that these uniforms cost well over 300,000 yen (no reason to add to your already _outrageous_ debt, right?).

"Ack!" you had to immediately duck out of harm's way when Tamaki suddenly made another grab at you in an attempt to pull you into another one of his bear-hugs. Diving behind Shouichi for cover, you placed both of your hands on the older boy's shoulders and sent a weak glare over in the drama king's direction. You weren't too keen on being his unlucky victim while he had yet _another_ one of little...weird spazzam...thingies, or whatever.

Grasping his head with both hands, tears began to instantly stream down Tamaki's face as the blonde began to coo insistently. Red roses magically appeared behind his lithe form (again), closely followed by yellow sparkles as the 'King' began to have another one of his 'moments'. "How adorable~!" Tamaki purred, his cheeks erupting into a light flush. "You three almost look like girls, don't you?"

Shouichi blanched, not knowing whether or not he should take that last comment personally.

"Haru-chan, Tsu-chan, how cute~!" Hunny squealed, his adorable brown eyes widening at the sight of yours and Haruhi's Ouran Academy clad forms.

"If that's how you really look..." Hikaru began in an un-amused tone.

"...You should have said so sooner," Kaoru finished.

"Those three might even be able to draw in some customers like that," Kyoya voiced in a thoughtful tone.

"Yes! It's all just as I figured!" Tamaki bragged after snapping out of his dazed stupor.

Kyoya shot his friend a blank stare, snapping his little folder shut while his sarcastic look became hidden from view due to the gleam his spectacles produced due to the artificial lighting. Deciding he'd rather not call Tamaki out on his bluff, the raven-haired male merely released a small sigh instead. No point in correcting his air-headed companion, seeing as how he was usually doing this sort of thing on a daily basis. Oh, what a _cruel_ world this place could be at times...

Tamaki turned to face your group, his right arm instantly snapping out whilst his hand pointed in your direction. Amethyst eyes glistened with delight as the blonde male allowed a smirk to grace his handsome features. "The errand boys have graduated!" Tamaki declared, his suave voice startling your poor group (especially after hearing his foreboding words). "Starting today, you three are official members of the Host Club! I will train you to be a first-rate host. If you three can get 100 customers to request you guys, we will forgive your 8 million-yen debt."

You felt a bead of sweat slowly drip down the side of your face. Your stomach was currently performing summersaults while your hands became clammy at the thought of such an _outrageous_ idea. "A host?"


End file.
